


Trying to Find an Island in the Flood

by squidnie



Category: Autoboyography - Christina Lauren
Genre: M/M, Rated T for swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 16:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16685089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidnie/pseuds/squidnie
Summary: Things aren't exactly like Tanner pictured when Sebastian comes back, but they're getting there.(just some fluff because the boys should be happy)





	Trying to Find an Island in the Flood

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Lights Down Low by MAX because I was listening to it when I wrote this.

Having Sebastian back is not how I imaged it would be (when I let myself imagine how it could be). We did not fall into bed together in a fiery passion. We did not confess our undying love for each other. Sebastian did not denounce the LDS church, propose marriage, and elope with me to a tropical destination honeymoon and live happily ever after as my husband.

In fact, after that first kiss on the quad when he walked back into my life, we were pretty much back to the time at the beginning of the year when I would look at him, and he’d look at me, and we’d share a thought, but neither of us were brave enough to do anything about it.

In a way, it sucks. There’s nothing I want to do more than to kiss him until I can’t feel my lips anymore. And I think he shares that sentiment. But I know he’s going through some tough shit right now and I’m a decent enough human being to just sit back and support him in the way that he needs me to.

Right now, that means playing video games in my dorm room and ignoring the fact that it’s Sunday morning and he should be at church, not in an empty UCLA dorm with his boyfriend who is currently swearing up a storm at some twelve-year-old kid on the other end of Call of Duty.

“Fuck,” I mutter, dropping my controller on the ground in protest of my onscreen death.

Sebastian laughs. “Tanner,” he scolds, setting his controller down as well.

“Sorry,” I’m not sorry, “Call of Duty brings out the worst in me.” I turn off the game, lay back on the dirty floor of my room and roll onto my side to face Sebastian. “We should do something else.”

“Like what?” His tone is nonchalant, the easy smile is on his lips, but I can see right through it. And I know I shouldn’t ask, but I do.

“Do you miss it?” Sebastian looks at me. It’s been two months since he came to find me playing frisbee, and to my knowledge he hasn’t been to any church activity since. I know it’s eating him up inside by the way he tries to stay so busy that he can’t possibly think about anything except the necessities. And me. I wonder if that makes me a necessity. But he puts on his act, the one that would make most people believe that he is So Okay and Not Bothered.

“I miss it,” he admits. With a sigh, he lays down on his back next to me. His hair falls away from his face. I want to run my fingers through it. “I miss being around the people. The atmosphere.”

“We could go,” I offer. “I know there are wards around here.” I’m not ashamed to say that I looked it up when I first got here. I almost thought about going once or twice, even. I wondered if I’d walk into one of their churches and I’d see a familiar face in a crisp white button-down with a square black name tag and miracle of miracles, I wouldn’t have to lose him.

But Sebastian shakes his head. “Not today. I– I’m not ready.” I give him about ten seconds before he dives right into what he’s really thinking. “I miss it, I do. But there was a reason I didn’t go on my mission. I’m not sure I agree with everything they’re teaching.”

“You mean about being gay,” I say lightly, joking.

Sebastian gives me a look, fighting a smile. “Yeah, that. I’m not sure I could sit in Sacrament and listen to the dangers of Same-Sex Attraction and not completely break down.” He closes his eyes, his brows furrowing in frustration. “I’ve been reading the Book of Mormon and praying and listening to talks and it still feels right. All of it. I believe in my Heavenly Father and His plan but, Tanner,” he looks at me then, his eyes wide and brimming with tears, “I think you’re a part of it. I know that what I feel for you isn’t wrong.”

I can’t process all of this information yet, so I go for a joke. “So, you’re still attracted to me, huh?”

That makes him smile, at least. And the happy blush makes his cheeks splotchy. “Of course, I’m attracted to you. If anything, California has only made you hotter.”

I grin. I can’t help it. The distinct lack of physical affection lately might have affected my self-esteem a bit. “Your rebellion made you hotter too, I think.”

Sebastian laughs at that too, and I think that’s what breaks him. In a good way. He rolls into me, his eyes shining with tears and maybe something like joy, and he kisses me.

It’s like our first kiss all over again, but with a familiarity this time that makes it even better, which is something that I didn’t think was possible. It starts slow, like he’s being shy, and I hold back my eagerness in order to let Sebastian take his time. The press of his lips on mine is steady and measured, but then I offer up my bottom lip and he groans, biting it, and the sound reverberates into my own mouth and into my chest and throughout my whole body.

_Yes._

After that it’s less-than-chaste and I’m not even sorry. I roll onto him, his body long and lean under mine, and things go wordless for a while.

One of us has to come up for air at some point, but we’re both breathing hard and trying to ignore the feel of the others’ body. I laugh, breathless, and rest my head on his chest. “We can go, when you’re ready,” I say. As if the conversation from before never took the detour that it did.

“I’ll think about it,” he says. His body shifts underneath me, doing things to my thoughts that are not exactly wholesome.

“Sebastian?”

“Yes, Tanner?”

I prop myself up on my arms and grin down at him. “You Are Perfect the Way You Are.” The quote is obvious by my tone, and he grins right back up at me.

“I know. Get a new quote, Tann.”

“Life Goes By Too Quickly.”

He laughs. “Kiss me.” And I do.


End file.
